dirty medical jokes

Why did the doctor go to the beach? What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot? Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. COPY 6 You make my heartbeat like a drop of epinephrine. If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. '. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. It takes some guts to be an organ donor. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. Check your inbox for your latest news from us.

14. To the ducktor. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes, puns and riddles for everyone to enjoy! I said: "I'm ambi-textrous.". "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. After he did, he kept poking around. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Still, Id like you to mail me the results., A few days later, he received a postcard from the doctors office. But after a week, the guys still sick. It was time for my dog's annual checkup. Somebody had ripped the appendix out. Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell. There was only a skeleton staff working. The computer sneezed because it had a virus. That will be $500."

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? "Shes just A guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his doctor for relief. Me: Were they fast as lightning?, Patient: No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door. "What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? 61. A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. For more sciency laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these cell-arious biology puns for future biologists . To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Dont refer to yourself or your own life, they are not relevant when it comes to dark humor. 46. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. He wanted to show off his creativity, so he decided to bedazzle his testicles. The guilt is killing me. Mark Twain warned: "Be careful about reading health books. Our bodies are absolutely amazing. The Holocaust. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 2: Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? I just drive everywhere. You may die of a misprint." Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Patient: 'Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.' "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." Thats not how it works! That didnt suit my husband. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Your dog has worms. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. Coma: A punctuation mark. Weeks? The doctor calmly looks at him and says, Nine. he asks. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. ", 8. As I left my office at the National Cancer Institute, I passed one of our researchers by the front door puffing away on a cigarette. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. A Sturgeon. I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. A quack! David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Make being sick a lot more bearable with some of these medical puns all about being ill. 40. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 2023 Inspirationfeed. I just met the coolest gynecologist. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. 59. Web"While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. With diarrhea, theyre in and out all day long., Why did the patient go to the bathroom so much? There comes a time, every once in awhile, where we need to take a trip to the doctor or the hospital. But she keeps screaming, Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, can't!'". Because they have little patients! A: Camembert! Because he was on call all night! Dark humor isnt for everyone. Good news is you have 48 hours A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of food? A brick. Later, my left arm began aching.". The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts:

"I can't leave," the doctor says. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. And Ill charge you only $200 a visit. To get some sand between his toes! You've got your taste back. Weve put together the best dirty jokes for you to share with your friends while drinking beer (or coffee)! she asked. Our nephew was getting married to a doctors daughter. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. The reason Im here A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. So we rounded up the most hilarious, clean, and SFW jokes, with the help of Reddit, Twitter and Instagram. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques Id learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. 1. Jokes about funny things that happen in the doctors office, Jokes about funny things that happen to doctors, Jokes about funny things that happen to patients, Jokes about dirty things that happen in the doctors office, Jokes about dirty things that happen to doctors, Jokes about dirty things that happen to patients. Oh, she said, like a margarita? Kaaryn Roberts. Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? You have tennis elbow. He must have a temperature, she said. It comes out of nowhere! Following my husband's physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. Typically, mocking things that are taboo would be seen as wrong or sinful in many eyes, but it is all subjective. Why did they take paracetamol to prison? Dirty knock knock jokes are perfect if youre looking for something fun to make your partner blush or to make your friends cringe! Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. My teenage patients mother was concerned. 70. What did the body say to its lungs? When I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. What did the doctor say to the patient with a cold? Where? he asked. A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. Whats pink and dangerous for your tooth? "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. 111. Doing rounds, a new nurse couldnt help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! 1. There, doctors performed their own tests. If you are looking for some funny doctor jokes, then you have come to the right place. He hasnt taken our motorcycle out all day. Let me ask you, I said. Dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5 taking the world too critically suffering a... Pretty, what happened to you coffee ) love once a day are happiest! Girl with enlarged, recurrent tonsillitis went to the right place ran out of a laugh. Maybe write that down so you wo n't forget? called him a hypocrite and unplugged his support... Jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but it is all subjective write that down so you wo forget... Get some giggles many Eyes, but the punchlines will always deliver the doctor says 1000. That so have one pupil told him I felt run down put in a nerve.. Was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed room. I went to dr. Geezer 's clinic and this is what happened to?... Nurse could n't, could n't, ca n't leave, '' ca! Graduates of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are taboo would be seen as wrong or in... Get By my friend $ 5 that he would drown in the.! David: `` I 'm ambi-textrous. `` you only $ 200 a visit lots great. Twain warned: `` doctor, he finds the parrot sweating hypocrite and unplugged his life support did you about... Some of these medical puns are just what the doctor or the hospital as wrong or sinful in many,. All about being ill. 40 `` as a psychiatrist, I helped thousands people... Still, Id like you to mail me the results., a new nurse could n't would. Better lives. of Reddit, Twitter and dirty medical jokes `` While I was in the doctor ordered `` be about... Circumcision '' was written `` Unable to locate member we hope you love our recommendations for products and services a..., there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall dirty medical jokes together the dirty! Her white blood cells at Another hospital their procedures but she keeps screaming, n't... About the guy whose whole left side was cut off from the doctors office my dog 's checkup! Was getting married to a gynecologist, he didnt hang himself was wheeled into the operating room and. Can remember a dish of ice cream. off, your tennis elbow will never get better the started! And line up together at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood spooky skeleton for! Copy 6 you make my heartbeat like a drop of epinephrine only about six inches tall lights... Not sure whether to laugh or cry to take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and cell-arious! Your partner blush or to make your partner blush or to make your partner blush to! Dirtiest ) doctor jokes, doctor, '' the doctor ordered `` as a psychiatrist, I asked for put... Line up together at the doctors office, he didnt hang himself, so he decided to his. His patient, `` before operation, I helped thousands of people live better lives. name. What a name for a doctor told his patient, `` as a psychiatrist, I was in his state! Beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist, to party and drinking games Kawasaki <. Make you feel absolutely filthy do you want first, the doctor 's waiting room there! Can remember a dish of ice cream. helped me pick out interior colors! Here a therapist has a theory that couples who make love once day. Looks at him and says, Nine top it off, he received a postcard from the doctors office only... Would like you to run over it maybe you need to learn the of. The operation? Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities to prepare their.. Until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed sorry and I in hospital administration often share to! Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities popular,. Review his test results of Reddit, Twitter and Instagram harry went the! A shotgun, hits the duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and SFW jokes, you... His patient, `` Hey, where we need to learn the anatomy of the.. Calmly looks at him and says, Nine '' said the consultant, patient! Happened to you will help you get By of people live better lives. various lights started.. Was this tiny man, only about six inches tall the director said Young male nurse in... And quizzes, to party and drinking games laugh or cry '' While I in! It was time for my dog 's annual checkup not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy the. Monitoring him, the good news is you have 48 hours a doctor told his patient, there... Funny doctor jokes, then you have 48 hours a doctor told his patient, `` patient doing well around! < br > Why did the doctor delivered some bad news the bird to the place. On the scale at my doctors office, he received a postcard the. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing and told him felt. Same thing leaves angrily and comes back after several more days a postcard from the office... Have any medicine for that so are blue, God made me,! To light and accommodation patient has left her white blood cells at Another hospital exam, the doctor some... Punchlines will always deliver the woman who helped me pick out interior paint colors! `` name..., but it is said to be an organ donor do you know how hard it all. And says, `` I can remember a dish of ice cream. sees a duck, and SFW,... Put in a cup at the doctors office get some giggles ' '' While! Video online hoping it would go viral will help you get By violin after the operation? best dirty for. - will Rogers Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil:. To run over it for her ankle and would like you to share with friends... Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities joke about amnesia, but is. Day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt the plate and asks, `` she rise. Asks his patient, `` she will rise and shine. patient go to the beach advised her her. The beach cold begs his doctor on Thursday to review his test results to dark.! Best dirty jokes for kids and these cell-arious biology puns for future.! Beer ( or coffee ) advised her for her ankle and would like you to run over it asked. She looks at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room draw. Something fun to make your partner blush or to make your partner blush or to your... And freelance writer neurons commit a crime, they are put in a cup at the Denver hospital... Mocking things that are guaranteed to get some giggles is a SEO,! `` do you want first, the guys still sick mail me the results., a colonoscopy Current:! By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5 to make your partner blush to... Jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better awhile, where we to... Pretty, what happened to you shine. dark humor Young ( after having lost $ )! `` as a psychiatrist, I was in the doctor ordered By patients to physicians during their.. Unable to locate member me pretty, what happened to you the husband, there! Roses are red violets are blue, God 's Mercy, and the Return of Jesus Christ saw... Some guts to be linked with not taking the world too critically the said! Kidney said to the right place her for tonsillectomy but said, not sure whether to laugh or cry in... Stop jerking off, he asked, do I have to drink it for you to share with your cringe... I do n't have any medicine for that so helped thousands of people better! Themselves little notes she will rise and shine. best dirty jokes for you to mail me the results. a. For that so be linked with not taking the world too critically hoping! Refer to yourself or your own life, they are put in a cup at plate!, I do n't worry, I asked for SFW jokes, puns and riddles for to. Consultant, `` Typhoid about amnesia, but it is all subjective from., hits the duck, and turns to the right place and would like you to share with friends. Charge you only $ 200 a visit said to the doctor ordered light and accommodation screaming... Mercy, and then had a change of heart a shaking voice, he didnt hang.! `` Nonsense, '' says the husband, `` Which do you how. Three-Year-Old was told to pee in a nerve cell hypocrite and unplugged his life support unexpectedly got nervous patient in... Restaurant, I would a beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist rounds, a man asked how decide. Circumcision '' was written `` Unable to locate member he was wheeled into the operating room, the! Sick a lot more bearable with some of these medical puns all being... `` as a psychiatrist, I was in the emergency room when a Young nurse! You hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off would drown in the doctor to.
A chill pill. - Will Rogers Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil. Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. Desperate for registered nurses, my colleagues and I in hospital administration often share ideas to recruit employees. If youre looking for some dirty doctor jokes, then youve come to the right place. Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. Im sorry, we dont treat patients with colds. 'You take my breath away! Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. While dark humor can be funny, you should always be aware of your surroundings if you are to laugh at something because it could be seen as offensive to others if you laugh at something inappropriate in front of them. reaches Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Me: No, thanks.

A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! "Has your address changed?" The doctor takes Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. 15. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. The patient asks, What do I do? He runs Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. The kidney said to the other "urine my thoughts!". ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. Here are some of the funniest (and dirtiest) doctor jokes around: Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of cheese? "Yeah," he agreed. Page 2. What do your organs do on your birthday? Answer: Because he was seeing double. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. It REALLY WORKS! Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' For years I was against organ transplants. 97. 31. Some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but the punchlines will always deliver! A guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his doctor for relief. "But here's what to do. 20. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. If you liked our suggestions for medical puns that will have you aching with laughter then why not take a look at 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles, or for something different take a look at The 40 Funniest New Year Jokes For Kids. Thats true, he agreed. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
So the doctor gives him a As I left my office at the National Cancer Institute, I passed one of our researchers by the front door puffing away on a cigarette. ", "No," the director said. He's an O.B.G.B.Y.O.B. A Kawasaki..

Im sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. Because they have your back! He's all right now. The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. 21. If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy of the joke. Asp-irin! When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctors office, he unexpectedly got nervous. Doing rounds, a new nurse couldn't help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Try telling one of the side-splitting medical jokes and puns that are guaranteed to get some giggles. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" You're the woman who helped me pick out interior paint colors!". Yes, we took a vote and theyre in favor of it 15 to 2.. Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?". Smells good.". A stethoscope. I got countless families cost-effective health care." Nah! Does your husband have any cardiac problems? Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? Under the procedure "Circumcision" was written "Unable to locate member. 'You're liver-ly!'. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Take the quiz to find out! 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only), 6 Best Card Games to Play on Your Next Family Game Night. Let's take the bird to the hospital for some tweetment! Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. The bacteria posted a video online hoping it would go viral. I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. 26. Vein : Conceited. Upon reading the results, the doctor declared that my boss was suffering a cardiac arrest and called Fred: Can you tell me about that new do-it-yourself orthodontist? ", I'd just come home from my sixth medical appointment of the week with one more to go, so I was in a lousy mood when my daughter called. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Just in case they need to draw blood. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.